hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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