I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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