I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my liver is dry heaving
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
