I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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