I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
