I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize