Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
