And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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