some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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