Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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