why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
