I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
