You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
