just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
