Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
