I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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