6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
