Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
