Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
