Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
