you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
