If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
