hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize