who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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