Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
