i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
