I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
