i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
