69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
