I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
