so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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