I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
