There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
