I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
