TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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