Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
