I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
