Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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