O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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