Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
