Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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