i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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