And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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