Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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