last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
