All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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