If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
