Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
