hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
