Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dicks are not precious.
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