i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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