i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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