Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
