your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm too high and old for this...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
