you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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