She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
