I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dont even know how to be here
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she told me i tasted like america
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize