Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
