I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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