I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
