I CAN MOONWALK!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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