You're so nebulous sometimes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
