So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
