Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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