Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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