Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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